|Koos van Der Merwe and Philemon
Koos van der Merwe and Philemon were a couple of drinking buddies, who
worked as aeroplane mechanics at Johannesburg international airport.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with
nothing to do. Koos said, " Jislike! China, I wish we had something to drink"
Philemon said, "Eischhhhh! me too. You know I have heard you can drink jet
fuel and get lekker stukkend. You want to try it?"
So they poured themselves a couple of glasses of high-octane hooch and
got completely smashed.
The next morning Koos wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In
fact he feels great. No hangovers! No bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings...it's Philemon!!!!
Philemon says, "Eischhhh, how do you feel this morning?"
Koos says, "I feel great, how about you?"
Philemon says, "I feel smooth ek sÃª my broooo. You don't have a hang over?"
Koos says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff, ek sÃª my gabba, no hangovers,
nothing!!! We ought to do this more often"
"Ya, well there's just one thing...."
"Have you farted yet?"
"Well, don't!!, 'cos I'm in Cape Town ek sÃª."
Doctors Waiting Room
This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
An 76 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private." The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full, if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"
"I can't piss out of it," he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
The Good , the Bad and the real Ugly
Good : Your wife is pregnant.
Bad : It's triplets.
Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago.
Good : Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad : She wants a divorce.
Ugly : She's a lawyer.
Good : Your son is finally maturing.
Bad : He's involved with the women next door.
Ugly : So are you.
Good : Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad : You find several por n n movies hidden there.
Ugly : You're in them.
Good : Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad : You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them.
Good : Your husband understands fashion.
Bad : He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly : He looks better than you.
Good : You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad : She keeps interrupting.
Ugly : With corrections.
Good : Your son is dating someone new.
Bad : It's another man.
Ugly : He's your best friend.
Good : Your daughter got a new job.
Bad : As a hoooker.
Ugly : Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way ugly : She makes more money than you do
|A Knock at South African Crime
n Boer maak 'n plan, maar 'n "Coloured" maak MAGIC
An old man lived alone in Cape Town. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Clemence, who used to help him, was in Polsmoor Prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
For heaven's sake, Papa, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the bodies.
At 4 A.M. the next morning, the Scorpion Unit, NIA agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up.
Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better.
She sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grand children.
Love, your son, John.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.
I'm over at Tommy's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk.
I love you!
Please Call when it is safe for me to come home.